Shoulder Angel of Kepa Zugazaga preserves perfect record
Manzanita 2010 – In what sources are calling ‘a nail-biter of a moral dilemma,’ Kepa Zugazaga, 23, came dangerously close to verbally blasting a fellow trip goer who sincerely asked, ‘What’s sand made of?’
The moment hung in the air as the deeply stupid inquiry washed across all present on the beach. Eyewitnesses including Jimmy Hennessy reported watching Zugazaga freeze mid-beer-sip, his eyes narrow, and two tiny, opinionated beings materialize in furious debate while perched on the man’s shoulders.
‘This is your moment!’ hissed Zugazaga’s shoulder devil, salivating, leaning in, and displaying a wickedly gleeful grin. ‘Oh… Oh this is it. Let him have it! Ask if he also needs help figuring out what water is made of.’ The little devil, reportedly winless, nodded knowingly and proceeded to seductively whisper, ‘Bait him, then salt the earth with sarcasm.’
Meanwhile, the shoulder angel — radiantly glowing but visibly stressed, raised a weary hand halfway through a silent prayer. ‘He’s trying his best, Kepa. He’s curious, not criminal. He struggles to pronounce three and four syllable words. Show restraint. Be kind.’ The temperance prompted the shoulder devil to start physically jumping up and down yelling, ‘Tag me in!’ But the visibly sweating angel held his ground to calmly plead, ‘Look at me. Breathe. He’s not hurting anyone.’
The agitated devil was seen pacing and muttering ‘You let him say that? Crucify him!’ Zugazaga’s eye twitched briefly, and his jaw clenched like a man suppressing a sneeze, a scream, or both.
Following a tense silence, Zugazaga exhaled, looked over and responded, ‘That’s actually a really interesting question,’ before proceeding to gently explain the concept of erosion without once using the phrase ‘basic third-grade science.’
At press time, Zugazaga’s shoulder devil had reportedly stormed off, muttering, ‘Unbelievable.’
