Group Never Needed Hoffman To Show Up In Crazy Outfit More Than It Does Right Now
Saying that the man’s ridiculous fashion sense would be a balm in a difficult time, the distraught group confirmed Friday that it had never needed Sam Hoffman to show up in a crazy outfit more than it does right now.
‘Between simmering disagreements, declining attendance, and the creeping sense that things aren’t going to be okay, I just really need to see Sam hitting the town in some big, stupid garb,’ said Kepa Zugazaga, echoing the sentiments of trip goers who had taken to cupping their hands to their mouths to call out for Hoffman in hopes that he would appear this year sporting some sort of velvety lace frilled shirt, a turtleneck, or maybe a pair of massively oversized sunglasses.
‘One more strange, floppy Hoffman hat would really take the edge off right now. I think that’s the only thing that could make me feel okay anymore with things as bad as they are. Oh Sammy, where are you? We need your bizarre flair now more than ever!’
‘I haven’t committed yet,’ reported another source. ‘I have to see what Sam has planned. Maybe he could bring back the beer box knight helmet… or flip the script with a full Victorian mourning gown or something. I’m sure he’s feeling the pressure. He must know his next outrageous getup might be the last chance to save our fading friendships.’
The trip organizer has allegedly given Hoffman a budget and complete creative control over his weekend outfit, but early reports suggest tensions are high after Hoffman floated the underwhelming ‘Wall Street exec’ and ‘mercenary diamond smuggler’ as potential concepts. ‘We’re on the edge,’ Zugazaga confirmed. ‘If Sam shows up in jeans and a t-shirt, I give Manzanita two more years – max.’
At press time, Hoffman was spotted with an arm full of pool noodles, glitter glue, and what appeared to be a secondhand falconer’s glove. Hope lives on.
