Group Confirms James Meyer Not Enough Of An Insufferable Prick To Be Considered All-Time Greatest
‘THAT’S NOT GREATNESS. THAT’S LIKEABILITY. TOTALLY DIFFERENT METRIC.’
Calling it the ultimate measure of a competitor's worth, a small group lounging around the ninth green confirmed Friday that tournament win leader James Meyer was ultimately not enough of an insufferable prick to seriously be considered the all-time greatest Manzanita golfer.
'Sure, James had a few great tournaments, but what’s really holding him back from true GOAT status is how we can’t valorize him for completely dehumanizing behavior toward his teammates,' said David Leslie in a heated discussion.
‘There’s no edge’, continued Leslie, contending that despite years of success and admittedly impressive moments of sly digs, off the cuff wit, and dry banter, Meyer still had 'a long way to go' in terms of achieving a place in the pantheon of truly heartless, psychologically abusive competitors.
'The true measure of an all-time great is to see them belittling and yelling at their team like they’re children. You can’t truly be a leader without constantly flying off the rails in a frothing rage or aggressively questioning people’s manhood on the teebox.’
The group agreed that ‘No one’s afraid to play with James’, shaking their heads in disappointment. ‘And that’s the problem. True greats will scream ‘Hit the [expletive] ball’ if a someone flubs a chip. Has Meyer ever accused a teammate of having zero-sack for leaving a putt short? No… Until we see that out of Meyer, it doesn’t matter how many Marshall Bobs he wins.'
At press time, reporters had reached Meyer for comment and received the following statement: ‘Honestly, it’s just great to be out here with the guys.’
