Mysterious Shopkeeper Offers David Lantz Chance At Winning Manzanita Invitational But At A Terrible Cost
Laneda Ave — After wandering out of the San Dune and into a dim and dingy store he could have sworn had been an empty parking lot, David Lantz was reportedly offered a chance to win a future Manzanita Invitational by a mysterious shopkeeper who warned that the privilege would come at a terrible price.
‘Ah, Mr. Lantz, you strike me as a man of great ambition — perhaps there’s something among my wares that could help you achieve your most cherished desire, hmm?' said the old and withered proprietor, proffering a series of items to the 11 time participant, yet zero time champion as his eyes reportedly glimmered with mischief.
As Lantz’ aspirations seized the forefront of his attention, he ignored the shopkeeper rattling off a handful of unnerving side effects should he accept one of the enchanted talismans. Lantz’ gaze passed over various golden fleeces, magic goblets, scrying mirrors, invisibility cloaks, and other totems cursed with shadow magic until the wicked shopkeeper cackled and shoved a bony finger toward the limited selection of antique golf equipment in a dimly lit corner.
‘Ah yes, this persimmon driver will let you find every fairway, though you may find your taste unpleasant, as everything turns to ash the instant it crosses your lips. Consider this mashie niblick, hmm, the tweed ivy cap, a hickory jigger… Or maybe you’d be interested in this putting cleek — it will make you the greatest putter there ever was, yet for its last owner, the distraction of unseen demons was more than he bargained for. Nothing for nothing, Mr. Lantz, and everything in its time.’
‘Have you found something, Mr. Lantz? Hmm, of course… Give me only a minute to release them,’ grinned the cape adorned proprietor with devilish glee before performing the forsaken rite of Alban Elfed.
At press time, a thrilled Lantz was leaving the shop clutching a set of cowhide and goose feather golf balls guaranteed to settle near the hole — blissfully unaware the store had disappeared behind him without any evidence of having existed outside of his own memory — and the bearer would ultimately be doomed until sacrificing a goat while chanting in an arcane druid tongue.
