Austin Lanier looks on Helplessly as Variants of his Nicknames Evolve and Multiply at Breakneck Speed
Manzanita 2015 — Fearing the process was rapidly accelerating to the point at which it could no longer be contained, Austin Lanier looked on helplessly Thursday night as variants of his nicknames evolved and multiplied at breakneck speed.
According to witnesses, Lanier quickly lost control of the situation after the first major mutation from 'Lando' resulted in a half-dozen new variations, including 'Sando', ‘Tando', and 'Mando', all of which have gone on to propagate exponentially over the past half hour and create their own entirely new strands of nicknames.
Sources said Lanier could only watch in horror as every possible permutation of his nicknames emerged. 'Oh God', thought Lanier, 'I hope Ben isn't hearing this.'
At press time, an older nickname, 'Dumpster,' appears to have resurfaced with characteristics completely independent from 'Lando', 'Austo', or 'Stinny' and has itself already produced more than a dozen variations.
