Injured Michael Burke Walking Around Like Fallen War Hero
Proceeding slowly while limping down the street toward the golf course, Michael Burke was reportedly walking around Friday like a fallen war hero.
'I bent down to pull up buoy #42/ and just felt a sharp pain,' said Burke of a mild back ache sustained during morning crabbing activities, holding his side and bravely soldiering on as though he were the last surviving member of his battalion in some forgotten conflict.
Attempting to pinpoint the source of his ailment, a grimacing Burke admitted to gutting out 24 hour work weeks ahead of the weekend trip. He recounted the recent sacrifices in a hushed tone before trailing off with a sad, distant look in his eye... as would a hardened commander contemplating the emptiness and futility of war.
Midway through the round, Burke made the tedious climb to the fourth green like a soldier reliving painful memories of being cut down while charging into enemy fire to take out a machine-gun nest. Jeremy Pfarr observed the drawn out display of Burke pausing multiple times to keel over, wave off support, and once again compose himself before resuming his assault on the hill.
According to sources, Burke repeatedly sought to numb his senses, often medicating between holes. Other squads reported hearing something between a dry heave and a shout before sighting Burke’s solemn figure slumped against a tree, eyes cast down, a pall of smoke billowing from his mouth.
'It’s been really tough golfing like this, but I did what I had to do for my team. These guys are like brothers,’ shared Burke in the tone of a grizzled veteran who was still a teenager when he first saw combat and witnessed the bodies of friends being torn apart by heavy artillery.
At press time, Burke was sprawled across the ninth green, unable to move, and overcome with emotion as his golf team dedicated their last place finish to him.
