Disappointed Group Expected Bryan Chase TO Look All Futuristic and Shit
Manzanita 2021 – Expressing bewilderment at the utter lack of spectacle upon gathering and seeing Bryan Chase looking indistinguishable from memory, disappointed trip goers confirmed Thursday night that they were really expecting more from the ardent technophile.
'He just looks like a normal guy. Shouldn’t he be all futuristic and shit? I mean, given what Chase was into back in college, I really thought he’d be half-man, half-machine by now, or he’d look like something out of Blade Runner — and not the original Blade Runner, but the new one with Ryan Gosling.’
Recalling how Chase would mod Xboxes, tear down arcade machines, build jet skis, and torrent all kinds of pirated software, the group commented ‘what the hell?’
‘THAT’S IT?’
‘Give us something a little more exciting than just long hair and some stubble,' said Kevin Barnes, one of many friends who described feeling underwhelmed by seeing Chase without a robotic headset, cutting edge bio scanner, and accompanying trench coat.
'I was kind of expecting more. Like, maybe he would have some sort of visible cybernetic enhancements. I don’t know — or at least optical implants that glow iridescent and allow him to see via a half dozen miniature flying drones connected to a chip implanted in his neck.’
‘I mean… I guess it was kind of cool when Chase shared he upgraded his broadband to get faster download speeds — but that's it? Shouldn’t he be like genetically designing artifical replicants by now… maybe to perform tasks too hazardous for normal human beings or something.’
At press time, everyone gasped as Chase pulled out what appeared to be a futuristic pulse rifle, particle cannon, or maybe a phased blaster. But it turns out, he just had someone’s vape pen.
‘THAT’S MORE LIKE IT!’
