Kyle Tull Pumped For Weekend Activities
Manzanita 2016 — Describing the flood of warm memories he experienced upon arriving that Thursday afternoon, Kyle Tull told reporters he was excited to spend the upcoming weekend swiping right, landing Bumble matches, and catching up on naps. 'It’s going to be the best Manzanita ever!' shrieked Tull, thrilled to discover new messages across a plethora of dating apps.
As Tull slowly sank into the couch to review the trove of correspondence, one message for PoF alias TonguePunch86 drew his attention. Michael Burke remembers Tull yelling gleefully to the house about his good fortune. 'Something about plans to teepee her bart fox,' recalls Burke, unsure that he heard correctly. Ending the night on a high note, Tull gently drifted off to sleep.
Fresh off a 12 hour snoozer, Tull really hit his stride on Friday, waking up every few hours to participate in scheduled trip activities while simultaneously on his phone firing off dozens of vulgar solicitations peppered with requests for nude photos.
Tull jovially plowed through dinner as he delivered a rapid fire succession of dirty one-liners. Capping off the meal, a giddy Tull exclaimed, 'I wouldn't miss Manza for anything!' before retiring for the night to pore over Tinder profiles. 'He's a horned up Snorlax!' commented Burke, fascinated by Tull's delicate balance of inactivity and libido.
On Saturday, Tull made his resolve clear stating 'I can’t wait to sit downstairs on my phone and just hang out all night. Gonna be just like last year!' And at press time, Tull admitted that while it would be nice to spend a couple hours interacting with college friends and participating in a night at the San Dune, it was unnerving to realize how comfortable his mattress had become.
'The weekend just seems to fly by so fast,' Tull sighed before excusing himself to 'honk out a dirt snake.'
