'Fascist Corruption' Exposed on Manzanita Beach Trip
By JFH22 — Resistance Correspondent
THE ORIGINAL NINE CONSCRIPTS — LESLIE PICTURED BACK RIGHT
Manzanita, OR — It started as a regular beach trip. In July 2009, nine college grads fled to the Oregon Coast to renew their friendships and souls amid the calm serenity of the Pacific Ocean.
Now almost a decade removed from that maiden voyage, the group has parlayed initial success into an annual event, asking Manzanita to play host each year to a ragtag team of 20-somethings from up and down the West Coast. And for eight summers in a row, the picturesque Oregon town has obliged, opening its doors and hearts to this cast of has-beens as if they were its own sons.
The tradition continues on July 20, when Bryan Leslie will again summon his hand-picked gaggle of inebriates to his family’s beach estate in the quaint, coastal town of Manzanita, nestled just above Nehalem Bay and 85-miles west of Portland. Yearning for a fleeting slice of youth, Leslie and his usual suspects will drop everything on a Thursday and appoint the Pacific Ocean as their backdrop for two days and three nights of fellowship, camaraderie, and competition.
for eight summers in a row, the picturesque Oregon town has obliged
MANZANITA WEBSITE — A THINLY VEILED PROPAGANDA MACHINE
Sounds typical, right? Well, not exactly.
Unlike most bro-weekends, structure reigns supreme at Manzanita. Trip success relies heavily on Leslie’s maniacal pursuit of order, and in eight years, he has left not a single stone unturned. The leader's fingerprints are apparent in every aspect of the weekend—right down to the toppings on the pizzas.
Leslie's militaristic preparation ensures that, come July, each activity will run as smoothly as Manzanita’s immaculate sandscapes. Group cohesion is a credit to his attention to detail and well-curated itinerary, with each move scripted months in advance. Indeed, few could mobilize a battalion of 20 hungover men with Leslie-like precision, as he oversees his subjects gracefully prance from activity-to-activity as one, like a herd of antelope through the savannah.
But at what cost do Leslie's highly calculated efficiencies flow?
Like anything in Manzanita, if you go around asking that question long enough, you're bound to hear some uncomfortable answers. Recent allegations paint a picture starkly different than the one portrayed on the trip's website, which, by the way, is an oddly more advanced website than that of some Fortune-500 companies.
'I love Oregon and shit,' reports 7-time guest Patrick Bullock, one of the few dissidents courageous enough to comment, 'but it’s bullshit that we have to register online now.'
if you go around asking that question long enough, you're bound to hear some uncomfortable answers
STRATEGICALLY SEGREGATED OUTPOSTS MAINTAIN ORDER
Other reports suggest an even darker side to Manzanita. Although the beach getaway has amassed numerous accolades and (mostly) eluded scandal during its eight-year run, anyone who dares to dig beneath its pristine veneer may uncover the secret of a lesser known beachside tale. A grim one, marred by greed, corruption, unpaid labor, missing persons, adulterous affairs, and a strict no-shoes-in-the-house policy.
For starters, newcomers are often shocked to discover that upon arrival, Leslie segregates his guests into two groups—ostensibly, the slobs and the nerds—and ushers them into separate outposts for the entire weekend. In a cunning feat of propaganda, Leslie disguises this nefarious segregation as a playful thing, lightly referring to the two settlements as fictional colonies from Star Wars.
'I've only been placed in Echo Base once, wonders 8-time guest Austin Lanier with a confused grin, and I have no idea why.'
On the first night, Leslie engages his subjects in a dehumanizing social experiment, confining them into a single room with nothing more than alcoholic beverages, leftover arguments from college, and Snapchat. After months of separation, the detainees naturally proceed to address each other's character flaws, past failures, and ex-girlfriends—sometimes while puppeting through a crustacean-styled oven mitt.
a cunning feat of propaganda
HEADLINE CIRCA 2010 — PUBLISHED IN THE MANZANITA HERALD
The next day before dawn, Leslie awakens his ill-prepared guests in a stupor, drags them out of bed, and instructs them to summit a nearby coastal peak. Once there, the captives are invited to peer over the unsuspecting village they will occupy for the next two days—as Leslie peers over them.
'I made the hike in jeans,' recalls 1-time guest Randy Haj, 'and I never went back.'
Like everything else in Manzanita, the hike is not optional. Other compulsory activities include hyper-competitive athletics, a reported 160-km bike ride, trust walks, a dice game that encourages deceit, and—most disturbingly—a rumored event that involves shooting projectile fireworks toward a fleeing, unarmed, and occasionally unclothed victim.
Predictably, Leslie’s draconian rule-making extends to the golf course, where a rigid 'drop-out scramble' format basically means you must use at least two of Bullock's drives. To Leslie’s credit, his leadership is authoritarian but fair, as he engineers his golf teams to evenly spread what little talent exists among the group.
'I golf with a needle neck skin scratcher,' proclaims 4-time guest and 0-time champion Kyle Tull, undisputedly the trip’s most foul-mouthed guest.
LESLIE'S DRACONIAN RULEMAKING EXTENDS TO THE GOLF COURSE
'SO ... YOU'RE PLAYING AROUND BOGEY GOLF? AND WHAT ABOUT PUTTING?'
Yet although the golf teams may be equitable, Leslie’s process for creating them might raise an eyebrow or two. In the weeks leading up to the trip, he stops at nothing to learn the level at which each guest is playing, employing questionable—perhaps unlawful—interrogation tactics in the process. One participant, who requested to remain anonymous (it's Gabe Rucker), alleges that Leslie once went so far as to hire a private investigator to fly to Phoenix and follow him around while on vacation, just to see how his golf game was looking.
'He even convinced the lady at TopGolf Scottsdale to fax over my stats,' added an incredulous Rucker, who dropped to a 3-seed that year. 'That can’t be legal.'
Perhaps the most disturbing detail regarding Leslie’s trip concerns his lack of financial transparency. Some estimate that the modest attendance fees are allocated toward routine expenditures like cleaning, transportation, airline subsidies, food, golf, t-shirts, gatorade, sunglasses, emergency funds, and boat rentals. Others fear that these funds directly finance the despot's lavish vacations abroad. According to sources close to the trip, Leslie adamantly refuses to compensate his younger brothers, whom he invites solely to provide transportation, narcotics, and other amenities.
'I haven’t paid for shit,' declares Sam Hoffman, who in eight years hasn’t paid for shit.
Whereas most gentlemen-only weekends are facilitated with a democratic touch, Leslie operates his with an iron fist, unyielding to the pressure of even his whiniest subjects. Veteran guests know better than to denounce the oppressive regime, realizing that the charitable hand that gives can soon become the cruel hand that takes.
'I once complained about having to carpool with the other Seattle guys,' remembers frequent guest Michael Burke. 'I haven’t opened my mouth since.'
...unyielding to the pressure of even his whiniest subjects
THE LITTLE APPLE — A PARADISE LOST?
Casting all foregoing aspersions aside, however, perhaps 'Manzanita' is ultimately a fitting title for this iconic Oregon Coast vacation. It's Spanish, literally translating to 'Little Apple', and much like the pomaceous fruit that lends its name, the town offers these gentlemen a much needed source of nourishment. Of flavor. Of sweetness. Indeed, the mere fact that this Little Apple of a city annually accommodates a trip of this magnitude is a feat that may rightly be credited to its leader, who in redefining the bro-weekend has perhaps unearthed the true secret to administering such an event.
That ultimately, individual liberties must be sacrificed for the greater good of the whole. That perhaps beach trips are better run as autocracies than democracies. That inevitably, the 'Manzanita Beach Trip' is a team game.
But as July draws near, Leslie—like his guests—might too proceed with caution. Because if recent allegations prove true, the public will soon learn that Manzanita may not be the paradise it advertises. That perhaps its disorders lie even deeper than mandatory Thursday-arrival policies, reverse curfews, or the lack of a tank-top T-shirt option. After all, he who suppresses dissidence long enough does so at his own peril, risking public image and the very future of an empire which took years to construct. Indeed, the almighty, dictatorial, and fascist leader should take heed that the literal translation of 'Manzanita' could very well become appropriate for an entirely different reason.
Because even the sweetest of apples, if not handled with care, may too become rotten.
