No One on Golf Team Has Any Idea What Hole They Are On, What Score Is, Groups Are Behind Them
Manzanita 2021 — Despite their earnest efforts to follow along with the action during their 9 hole round of golf, not a single person on the team currently has any idea what hole they are on, what the score is, or even that there are other groups currently waiting on them, sources confirmed.
'Early on, I was trying to pay attention, but at this point I’m completely lost,' said Ben Brajcich, just one of five individuals currently stumbling across the fairway of hole 7 who told reporters that they could 'only guess' as to the status and direction of their ongoing round. 'The last thing I remember is that we each made a commitment to drink a beer a hole, and then we made a few birdies and the whiskey came out, but I’m not sure after that. Man… That must have been at least an hour ago.'
'Where’s our drives?' Brajcich slurred.
‘We made a few birdies and the whiskey came out’
While his teammates claimed that they had initially attempted to keep track of varying aspects of the tournament such as the number of strokes, whose drives were selected, and the whereabouts of pinky, every player admitted that they had long lost track of these among other details.
Specifically, the group said that they 'just kind of got after it with the drinking.' While making an effort to collect themselves, the team reportedly entered a deep state of confusion regarding their score, or whether they were keeping pace, and instead focused on maintaining a state of constant bickering.
More alarmingly, several of these bewildered golfers claimed that, at this point, they saw no way of orienting themselves in any way.
A state of constant bickering
'I let my mind wander for a bit, and now I have absolutely no idea how we're doing,' said Brajcich, noting that he didn’t remember playing holes 2 or 3 and couldn’t say how long he had been carrying his putter. 'If I had to guess, I would say our score is below par, but I have no idea why I think that. I’m reasonably sure I remember someone saying something about two under, though.'
'But, hold on, hold on, one of these balls has to be ours, right?' Brajcich continued as he pointed toward the fifth fairway. 'I’m pretty sure that's ours. Right?'
While the collective confusion primarily has revolved around topics of uncertainty directly pertaining to the ongoing golf round, sources confirmed that the group's uneasiness quickly led them to question the more basic aspects of their surroundings and have expanded into broader matters such as where to get more alcohol.
At press time, the group had gone on to win the 2021 Manzanita Invitational.
