Grown Men Compete For Attention Through Strange Courtship Display
LOOK AT ME! NO, LOOK AT ME!
What was meant to be a fun gathering at the San Dune transformed into a heated, hours-long competition, as two men over the age of 30 vied with one another for the attention of their inebriated friend group.
The live music, which began shortly after 9:45 PM, saw both grown men square off in attempts to be the evening's sole focal point.
'Jimmy was a real handful out there,' said Gabe Rucker. 'He was pretty revved by the band, and he just wanted to be right in the middle of everything. And Barnes was — well, he was Barnes.'
'He just wanted to be right in the middle of everything.'
RECOGNIZE THIS MOVE?
According to those in attendance, Hennessy established himself at center stage immediately upon arrival. Following the first five minutes of a remarkably repetitive routine, he reportedly improvised 'no less than seven Michael Jackson spins along with the little hand thing he does.' Witnesses commented, 'It's as if he practices this for hours on end in front of a mirror.'
Hennessy's waning dominance lasted an estimated two minutes into the third song, at which point Barnes expectedly bound onto the dance floor, limbs flailing. Moving his feet impossibly fast, and to no specific rhythm, Barnes gained the upper hand as a half dozen or so attendees turned their attention to him.
But Hennessy countered, forcefully inserting himself into the middle of the group surrounding his competition, thrusting his pelvis inappropriately in a play to seize back control of the crowd's favor.
'Moving his feet impossibly fast, and to no specific rhythm...'
GIVE IT UP!
Over the next several hours, Hennessy and Barnes jockeyed back and forth in an escalating contest of one-upmanship. Witnesses gave accounts of numerous instances in which either would interrupt the other's 'swing dancing with a much older woman' schtick.
And as the struggle stretched late into the night, both contestants reportedly took up desperate, high-risk strategies to secure attention. Hennessy unleashed the same five moves on display at every wedding for the past decade, while Barnes followed suit, riling up the crowd by singing into an 'air-mic', pacing aggressively in a circle, and raising his arms above his head in a futile effort to get onlooker's to 'give it up' for him.
The competition ended in split decision, and critical reviews unanimously echoed the sentiment: 'Nothing we haven't seen before.'
