Explanation of Roman Candle Game Peppered with Reassurances that It Will Be Fun
Manzanita 2012 — Repeatedly seeking to ease the group’s growing skepticism and unspoken fears, Bryan Leslie peppered his explanation of a roman candle game with reassurances that it will be fun, sources confirmed Friday.
'I know you’ll really like it once we actually get going,' said Leslie, quickly rattling off questionable instructions and vague guidelines to help clarify the rules while pausing frequently to promise that the game was much less dangerous than it seemed.
'Okay, so, basically, once you’ve taken a pull of whiskey, the other player lights up and chases you with a weaponized firework. You’ll get the hang of it, I swear. Although — and don’t worry if you forget this part, because I can just remind you — you'll probably want to wear these protective goggles. And also, take your clothes off. Seriously, you’re going to love it after we’ve played through a few runs.'
At press time, five players had abandoned the game injured, burned, and bleeding; Gabe Rucker had been shot in the mouth; and Leslie was hastily reassuring those who remained on the beach that it is actually more fun with less people.
